"Moot Courtney": a RadCo advice column

article by BBB

art by In-House Clownsel

Dear Courtney,

My 1L year is off to a great start! I’ve only felt the urge to walk into oncoming traffic once! There is one issue I ran into that I’m not sure if anyone else feels. When doing my class readings, sometimes I find myself scowling severely at my textbook! It’s like my face has a mind of its own. One second I’m reading a simple case about a man curb stomping his pregnant girlfriend and suddenly people passing by are giving me wild looks while they walk down the aisle!! How can I stop this? I don’t want people to think I have an issue with the way content is presented to us because you know, I love the patriarchal lineage of law school curriculum. I would also like to avoid premature wrinkles from all the scowling, I’m only 22 and have the rest of my womanhood to look old. 

Sincerely, 

Scowling In the Reading Room

Dear SIRR,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. Or at least with more relaxed facial muscles. This impulsive response you are experiencing is actually an external physical manifestation of something called your conscience. I know it is shocking to hear that some cases in law school content are so reprehensible that they awaken the unseemly response of a scowl that every god-fearing inhabitant of the Reading Room can see. I am here to assure you that you are not alone in feeling this way. It is perfectly normal to be disgusted by a woman drowning all five of her children, at least in the beginning.

However. I am about to get real with you, but you wouldn’t have written RadCo if you didn’t want the truth. First, grow up. We read these cases for the doctrine, not to care about the victims in the cases. Second, you’ve got to learn to fix your face. Lawyers, especially young ladies, must retain their composure at all times. It is unseemly to have strong emotional reactions, and in public no less. I would suggest working on suppressing all major emotional outbursts and presenting your distaste in a manner more suitable. Perhaps buy a new purse you’ll never use. It’s a good way to stimulate the economy. 

Further, you might do some self-reflecting. Who are you to be questioning the professors' assignment? The casebook editors' selections? The way the law has been taught for hundreds of years? Those men are the ones with years of experience and you are only a 1L. You’ve just arrived in these hallowed halls and you think you know better? Of course, you don’t. How could you? Just read the cases and take your notes like everyone else here. 

Sincerely,

Courtney

P.S. And not to forget your closing concern re: wrinkles. It's never too early to start using retinol! Maybe crying less would also help. <3

art by: In-House Clownsel