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A line drawing of an old-timey lawyer pointing at something with the head of a frog.

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Issue #1: Winter 2023

ID: A pink demon with large ram horns sits at a desk in a gray business suit. In its six hands it holds a cigarette, a cup of coffee, and a pen, writes on a notepad, types on a laptop, and holds a cellhone to its ear. The top of the picture is clouded in cigarette smoke.

ID: A pink demon with large ram horns sits at a desk in a gray business suit. In its six hands it holds a cigarette, a cup of coffee, and a pen, writes on a notepad, types on a laptop, and holds a cellhone to its ear. The top of the picture is clouded in cigarette smoke.

Be-3L-zebub

ID: 7 gaunt, pale vampires (aka cutouts of Nosferatu) crowd around the body of a sleeping woman. The monsters are labelled "Kirkland & Ellis, Cravath, Gibson Dunn, Quinn Emanuel, White & Case, Jones Day, Latham." The sleeping woman is labeled, "99.92% of humanity."

ID: 7 gaunt, pale vampires (aka cutouts of Nosferatu) crowd around the body of a sleeping woman. The monsters are labelled "Kirkland & Ellis, Cravath, Gibson Dunn, Quinn Emanuel, White & Case, Jones Day, Latham." The sleeping woman is labeled, "99.92% of humanity."

Nosfirmatu

ID: A woman in a red dress lies face-down on a stripped mattress, clutching a pillow to her head. A baby lie in a crib behind her. Looming above them is a see-through house, at the top of which has a scene of a man and a child in lazy chairs watching tv. Another young girl is behind the tv, curled up inside of a giant glass bottle.

ID: A woman in a red dress lies face-down on a stripped mattress, clutching a pillow to her head. A baby lie in a crib behind her. Looming above them is a see-through house, at the top of which has a scene of a man and a child in lazy chairs watching tv. Another young girl is behind the tv, curled up inside of a giant glass bottle.

ID: A watercolor flower against a blue background. Top text: "Fed courts is not a doctrine"; Bottom text: "It's a way of using procedural mechanisms to gut rights and remedies <3"

ID: A watercolor flower against a blue background. Top text: "Fed courts is not a doctrine"; Bottom text: "It's a way of using procedural mechanisms to gut rights and remedies <3"

Fed courts is not a doctrine

Checkmate, Females

ID: Two lawopen e-mails are surrounded by a frame red and pink flowers. A Victorian woman sits atop the frame, deep in thought over a blank piece of paper.

E-mail 1:
My Seppo, 1:43 AM. To: lawopen listserv.
"I came here to say
the lawopen 'found' e-mails
bring me so much hope."
E-mail 2:
Nina Charap, 3:09 AM
To: My Seppo, CC: lawopen listserv
"This is just to say

I have read
the lawopen emails
that were in
my inbox.

and which
you were probably
jotting casually

Thank you
they were delightful.
so sweet
and not cold."

ID: Two lawopen e-mails are surrounded by a frame red and pink flowers. A Victorian woman sits atop the frame, deep in thought over a blank piece of paper.

E-mail 1:
My Seppo, 1:43 AM. To: lawopen listserv.
"I came here to say
the lawopen 'found' e-mails
bring me so much hope."
E-mail 2:
Nina Charap, 3:09 AM
To: My Seppo, CC: lawopen listserv
"This is just to say

I have read
the lawopen emails
that were in
my inbox.

and which
you were probably
jotting casually

Thank you
they were delightful.
so sweet
and not cold."

"Found" Poem

100 Billable Hours Playlist Cover

ID: A small girl holds her hands up against the screen of a retro 80's television set. She is in shadow, illuminated by an image of smiling beauty queens at a pageant. An array of MLaw-branded water bottles and t-shirts are stacked beside her.

ID: A small girl holds her hands up against the screen of a retro 80's television set. She is in shadow, illuminated by an image of smiling beauty queens at a pageant. An array of MLaw-branded water bottles and t-shirts are stacked beside her.

Recruitment

ID: An old book cover.
Title: "DOGGED DEDICATION: A corporate guide to training and caring for your attorney."
The image is a shadowy person holding three snarling dogs on a leash. The dogs sport neckties and glasses.

ID: An old book cover.
Title: "DOGGED DEDICATION: A corporate guide to training and caring for your attorney."
The image is a shadowy person holding three snarling dogs on a leash. The dogs sport neckties and glasses.

Dogged Dedication

ID: A big red billboard with white text and three guys in suits smiling at the camera. Billboard text reads: "JOHNSON & RICHARDS. WE'LL GET YOU OFF. You WILL be satisfied. 1-800-420-6969."

ID: A big red billboard with white text and three guys in suits smiling at the camera. Billboard text reads: "JOHNSON & RICHARDS. WE'LL GET YOU OFF. You WILL be satisfied. 1-800-420-6969."

"We'll Get You Off!"

ID: A kid sits in a kayak sporting a life vest and a paddle. Shark fins and clouds of blood surround the boat. Text reads: Smile, Amanda! Get ready for your first summer at Big Law!

ID: A kid sits in a kayak sporting a life vest and a paddle. Shark fins and clouds of blood surround the boat. Text reads: Smile, Amanda! Get ready for your first summer at Big Law!

Amanda's Big Summer

ID: A screenshot of the 2nd-year student photos database on the MLaw Photos website, but the student pictures are replaced with an array of terrifying creatures. In reading order:
1. "Terry", an alien looming in the mists. Subtitle: "on zoom somewhere"
2. "Vash-[untintelligible screaming", a haunted-looking silent film star with black eye makeup and an emo side-swoop bang.
3. "Cyrano", a shrubbery shaped into a half-face with a giant nose sniffing the ground.
4. "Calliope the Tormented", a silent film actress screaming with her hands on her face, also in black eye and lip makeup. Subtitle: "Lost in the stacks"
5. "Terry (derogatory)", a tiny gargoyle sitting against a wall in a fetal position.
6. "The Enforcer" - an old B&W picture with a cowboy holding a gun and staring menacingly at the camera. Subtitle: "Has a gun."
7. "R'lak'nayth the Destroyer, Devourer of Worlds", a wrinkly demon/gremlin creature from a silent film.
8. "-NULL-", the face of a giant cosmic baby.
9. "Keighleigh, Phi Beta Chi," A haunted porcelean doll with cracked skin and matted hair. Subtitle: "Hurling in the Rick's bathroom."

ID: A screenshot of the 2nd-year student photos database on the MLaw Photos website, but the student pictures are replaced with an array of terrifying creatures. In reading order:
1. "Terry", an alien looming in the mists. Subtitle: "on zoom somewhere"
2. "Vash-[untintelligible screaming", a haunted-looking silent film star with black eye makeup and an emo side-swoop bang.
3. "Cyrano", a shrubbery shaped into a half-face with a giant nose sniffing the ground.
4. "Calliope the Tormented", a silent film actress screaming with her hands on her face, also in black eye and lip makeup. Subtitle: "Lost in the stacks"
5. "Terry (derogatory)", a tiny gargoyle sitting against a wall in a fetal position.
6. "The Enforcer" - an old B&W picture with a cowboy holding a gun and staring menacingly at the camera. Subtitle: "Has a gun."
7. "R'lak'nayth the Destroyer, Devourer of Worlds", a wrinkly demon/gremlin creature from a silent film.
8. "-NULL-", the face of a giant cosmic baby.
9. "Keighleigh, Phi Beta Chi," A haunted porcelean doll with cracked skin and matted hair. Subtitle: "Hurling in the Rick's bathroom."

Totally Normal 2L Photo Directory

ID: A skeleton wearing a pumpkin on its head dabs as it hits a sick ollie on its skateboard in front of a vibrant sunset. Text: "What the fuck is a CALLBACK INTERVIEW?? I'm just trying to SHRED WITH MY COMRADES."

ID: A skeleton wearing a pumpkin on its head dabs as it hits a sick ollie on its skateboard in front of a vibrant sunset. Text: "What the fuck is a CALLBACK INTERVIEW?? I'm just trying to SHRED WITH MY COMRADES."

Rad-Ass Pumpkin Time

ID: Graffiti on an old wall reads "Daloy Politzei" (or "down with the police!") in Yiddish. It is accompanied by other anti-fascist symbols, an image of someone beating a swastika with a skateboard, and an old poster of a pig overwritten with "This Is a Kosher Protest"

ID: Graffiti on an old wall reads "Daloy Politzei" (or "down with the police!") in Yiddish. It is accompanied by other anti-fascist symbols, an image of someone beating a swastika with a skateboard, and an old poster of a pig overwritten with "This Is a Kosher Protest"

Daloy Politzei!

ID: A psychedelically-colored band of cheerful gnomes lines a forest path. One is running away with a rolled-up paper in hand. Another stands in the foreground waving around a marker. Text: Oh God, look out!!!! GNOMES are stealing the Constitution!! They're gonna redact the Commerce Clause!!!

ID: A psychedelically-colored band of cheerful gnomes lines a forest path. One is running away with a rolled-up paper in hand. Another stands in the foreground waving around a marker. Text: Oh God, look out!!!! GNOMES are stealing the Constitution!! They're gonna redact the Commerce Clause!!!

gnomes.png

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