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Issue #2: Fall 2023

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Image: A medieval christian icon painting of a woman posed like the virgin mary in a suit, gold-lined hood and halo. Her hands are folded in prayer. Surrounding her are babies with halos in button-ups and polo shirts.

Dum Excusare Credis, Accusas

A digital illustration of a man in gardening gloves kneeling in front of a thriving patch of tall wildflowers. The picture is framed by the words "Plant Native".

Plant Native

Background: An image of the law quad in chaos. Students are chased by masses of confetti. Squirrels mill about, overseen by another squirrel in a police outfit. A vulture feasts on a dead squirrel.
The scene features three yellow signs:
Sign 1: REspect the Locals: Michigan law students live here. They are very tired. Please be mindful of quiet hours and respect their habitat. Quiet hours 11PM to 7AM. From: the law quad anxious and endangered species protection society.
Sign 2: Protect the Squirrels. Glitter, confetti, and champagne are hazardous to local wildlife. Respect this space and clean up after yourself. From: the law quad squirrel protection society.
Sign 3: Clean Up Your Confetti. While celebrating your milestones remember to clean up your confetti and glitter from the quad. These materials are hazardous to the local ecosystem. Violators will be publicly shamed.

Protect Our Quad!

An image in the style of an oil painting. A giant black panther with a humanlike face and dripping with black oily goop stalks over the rooftops of houses in a quaint city neighborhood. The panther holds a dozen cigarettes in its mouth, which emit realistic smoke that streams off of the canvass.

Pinkerton Panther

Elephascists

Full-page image collage. A banner hangs on top that says "Eat the Employers" with little pcitures of PacMan characters. Another picture of neon outlines of two indivduals in cool t-shirts. One says "Stop snitching" with a woman holding a finger to her masked lips. The other has generic kids drawings and says "you can't spell defeat the patriarchy without eat the rich." Another picture of someone zipping up knee-high platform boots in a messy bedroom. Someone next to them points at something with a red solo cup. A final picture of a table covered in drinks and takeout boxes. The boxes are labeled "choklit," "crackers" (censored), cheezus, ???, and meetboll.

Eat the Employers (We Came, We Saw, We Partied!)

Image: six kids with shadowy, lifeless eyes play flag football on a field. The stands are filled with wealthy onlookers in fancy suits and dresses.

Field Day--Event 1: Ascending your class by working almost as many hours as someone trying to support a family on minimum wage.

Image: A group of squirrels in cheer uniforms and ponytails sits out on grass in the law quad. They are all staring bug-eyed at the viewer.

Field Day--Event 2: Getting a little to excited to act like a cop in law school common areas

Text: The office of student life fears this
Image: A house patio in the middle of the night. Three animals mill about. They are a possum labeled "compensating law review journals", a raccoon labeled "open/free/critical discussion on law open", and a skunk labeled "transparency."

Field Day--Event 3, Part 1: POSSUM TIME

Text: What Big Law thinks Law Students want.
Picture of stacks of money, a lamborghini, and a diamond ring.
Text: What law students really want
Picture of a possum saying "Henlo"

Field Day--Event 3, Part 2: POSSUM TIME

Image: Befuddled White guy
Text: 1L orientation
Image: A red-tinted picture of a screaming possum.
Text: AHHHHHHHHHH
Image: Befuddled white guy
Text: Graduation

Field Day--Event 3, Part 3: POSSUM TIME

Image: A chalk drawing of a withered figure leaning on a crutch, light shining on them from a high window.

Grand New Party

ChatGPT

"Class Clown": ChatGPT

The same image of ChatGPT but it's standing before a brick wall with a microphone in hand.

"Most Likely to be Famous": ChatGPT

The same image of ChatGPT but it's wearing a pixellated dress and hair extensions.

"Best Dressed": ChatGPT

The same image of ChatGPT but the otherwise featureless face now has an oversized, pixellated picture of a smile

"Best Smile": ChatGPT

The same image of ChatGPT but its in a pixellated business suit

"Most Likely to Succeed": ChatGPT

The same image of ChatGPT but pixellated copies of itself fan out behind it, obscuring the background.

"Best Couple": Chat GPT

image of a cat lying in slash wearing an empty container of Quaker Oats soars through the clouds.

"Most Complete Breakfast": Oatmeal Cat

A shadowy figure with bulging muscles, glowing red eyes, a nightstick, and the letters P.D. on their chest stands in a fighting stance. They are surrounded by tall stacks of paper and binders, and the desk in front of them is littered with energy drinks and half-drunk cups of coffee.

Senior Picture "As a future public defender..."

Senior picture: A little toy soldier stands in the foreground. A ring of clouds indicate that it is dreaming of a silhouetted figure flecked with red that is pointing heroically at an unseen opponent. The figure is framed by a coil of barbed wire that spirals into the distance.

Senior Picture "As a future prosecutor..."

A heavily filtered, blue figure with the robes of a greek philosopher and the head of a snarling dragon. It holds a sword and a book. Behind it is a black void, punctuated by many pairs of glaring, disembodied eyes.

Senior Picture Name: Coldus Caullus Quote: "You know not the secrets of the universe, foolish child."

an androgynous, ghostly figure with glowing eyes and four arms plays electric guitar, wreathed in streaks of lightning.

Senior Picture Name: The One Person Out There Who's Exactly You, But Cooler Quote: "I would never pass character and fitness."

a glamorous woman in sunglasses poses for the camera. A collage of "day in the life" law student tiktoks are projected onto her face and the background.

Senior Picture Name: Marni N. Routine Quote: "My superpowers are healthy coping mechanisms and good lighting."

A figure in a judges road with a head that is a bloated, writhing combination of the faces of all the supreme court justices.

Senior Picture Name: Scrotus Quote: "It is the opinion of the court..."

Image: A funky-looking technicolor egg toy with bulging eyes, a bow, and two hoofed feet.

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